Putting On My Big Girl Panties and Dealing With It

Yesterday was a wonderful, yet bittersweet, day as I danced between extreme thankfulness and haunting sadness. I was so thankful for the day because I got to spend it with my family… in church. Working every other Sunday, in a new city, means I haven’t found a “church home” yet. We have visited several churches, but I don’t know anyone here. It’s like I don’t have many roots. I miss my friends and my family in Gwinnett. I miss being in church every week (several times per week) and being part of the ritual. I miss my “Christian Bubble”. This was Holy Week and I was unable to take part in any observance of it (until Sunday) because of work. I know, I should be thankful I have a job… and I am… but I get cussed out, literally, everyday; not because I’m doing a horrible job or am a horrible person, but because I’m doing the right thing and a good job and trying to teach teenagers to make wise choices when they really just want to do whatever they feel like doing with no consequences. It’s possible I’m making a positive difference in these kids’ lives, but it doesn’t look like it at the moment. Then in the middle of the week, my youngest son left my home to go live somewhere else. Turns out he didn’t want to be held accountable either, at least by me. It was a hard week. I cried to my mom over the phone that everything sacred and precious to me was being ripped away.

But yesterday morning, all the family who had come to my parents’ house for the holiday went to the church where my dad is the pastor. The worship service was like water to a parched land for me. It nourished my spirit. The music touched my soul. The message and scripture reading spoke to my heart. I found myself thinking: “I miss this. I wonder if Chuck would be interested in driving up here with me every other weekend (4 hour round trip) so we can do this on my off Sundays? Probably not… I really dread going to work tomorrow…I don’t want to go home and leave my ‘baby’ here…” Then during the last chorus of the last song, the Easter message hit home. We were singing the chorus to “Because He Lives”.

My future is secure. Whatever happens in this life, I can live it for Him and He is with me. I can go to work on Monday and love those who are difficult to love in His name. I can trust that the God of the universe, Who loves humanity so much He gave His only Son, also loves my prodigal children way more than I can imagine and can reach them even when I can not. He holds the future and He’s already there. I can face it, without fear or dread, because Jesus is alive!

How was your Easter Sunday?

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